DANIELLE CHELOSKY — Rich

While my lover was away on a business trip in Paris, I forgot he existed. I accidentally became a new person. He was only gone for a month. A week in, my mother died. While going through her things, I discovered a diamond encrusted necklace; I spent a lot of money to determine its worth. Millions, it turned out. I quit my job. I dined in the finest establishments in New York City. Establishments so fine I’d never heard of them. I had to hire someone to inform me on luxury. Luxury had never interested me until I stumbled upon access to it. Luckily luxury was the job of some people and it didn’t take a lot of money to have them teach you. I met Will at a restaurant with kaleidoscopic chandeliers, excessive amounts of caviar, mosaics of mirrors that reflected off each other into oblivion, and a speakeasy in the basement. Will looked a bit like Bill Murray in Lost in Translation and told me he was going through a divorce. His wife was having a psychotic episode and he’d wake up to her punching the walls rhythmically. She said if he had her institutionalized she’d kill him and he believed her. He was running out of paintings to cover the holes with. Will and I drank alone in the speakeasy until there was no liquor left. For some reason, I felt a creeping envy of his wife, of her insanity. I wondered if I would be boring to him. A pang of hope told me the newfound wealth would drive me crazy. That’s the cliché, isn’t it—the rich always lose their minds. Maybe then I would be enough for Will. I could be worse than his wife. I could adopt a dog and kick it down the stairs. I could take a hammer and hit it against my head. I could boil a pot of water and pour it on my face. My lover came back from Paris and showed up at my door early on a weekend. I was hungover and asked him how he found my new address. He said he cheated on me in Paris, but I knew he was lying in a pathetic yet endearing attempt to arouse jealousy in me. The only reason it worked was due to the alcohol withdrawal making my body throb and magnifying my emotions. We went to bed and it was like old times. When he was gone I looked on my phone at apartments in different cities, different countries. Will found me one in Amsterdam with high ceilings and stained glass windows and we went together. But it was beautiful. There was peace in the streets. There was contentment in the air. Everyone seemed to smile at me. Every book seemed to be the best. Every song the catchiest. Life in high definition. Will kissed me with a passion that splintered the world. I became aware that I would never die. I stood on the tracks and the train shot right through me. Only slightly disappointed, I walked away unscathed and met Will at a café afterward. He said I was glowing. Danielle Chelosky is the author of Female Loneliness Epidemic and the host of Weird Fucks.