ENOCH WARD — number one dreamer

erin opens the camera app on her phone. she switches from photo to video. she presses the record button. she says hello dreamers, hope everyone is having a good day. my mom went to trader joe’s earlier and they finally had the kimbap so i thought i'd do a mukbang video. erin says before i eat let me close the window, it's too hot to eat with the window open. erin says comment below if you think global warming is going to kill us all. erin closes the window. she sits down. she eats a slice of kimbap. erin says i never know what to say. she eats a slice of kimbap. erin says i'm so excited for dreamstreet's comeback, the new single comes out next week. erin eats a slice of kimbap. erin says what else? she says i've been binge watching guardian: the lonely and great god and it's so good. erin eats a slice of kimbap. erin says all gone. erin says that's it for now dreamers. erin picks up her cat. erin says neko chan thinks you should like this video and share this video and subscribe. bye bye erin is in bed. she is awake. erin looks at her phone. she opens youtube on her phone and searches dreamstreet heart beep music video. she watches the music video. she watches the video again. she watches dreamstreet heart beep dance practice. she watches dreamstreet heart beep mary fancam. she opens twitter and sends a direct message to marydreamstreet. the message says you're so talented and pretty. i feel so connected to you. there's a knock at the door. erin says what is it mom. erin's mother says is everything ok kiddo. erin doesn't say anything. erin's mother says ok, i'm going to bed, love you. erin's mother says don't forget your appointment with dr markle tomorrow. erin turns off her phone. she turns off the lights. erin is asleep. erin opens twitter. she writes a tweet. the tweet says the video for heart beep is a vibe, it's so aesthetic, ^^. erin opens her dms. she sends a direct message to marydreamstreet. the message says did i ever tell you about the first time i saw you? i was mopping up the food court at h-mart. gross i know right lol. k-pop videos were being projected on the wall of the food court and the video for heart beep came on. i was blown away, i put down my mop and watched the video then when it was over i took out my phone and watched the video again, over and over until my manager told me to get back to work lol. seeing you projected up on the wall changed something in me. i could see you but i felt like you could see me too. erin goes to the bathroom and cleans the bathroom mirror. she takes out her phone. she opens the camera on her phone and records a video of herself dancing to soda pop. she deletes the video. she goes to her bedroom. she takes a dreamstreet t-shirt from the closet and changes into the t-shirt. she changes into a skirt. she goes back to the bathroom and takes another video. she opens the tiktok app on her phone and posts the video to tiktok. she thinks why can't i be like mary, she's so graceful and dances so perfectly. erin deletes the video. erin goes to kinokuniya. she buys a manga called oshi ga budoukan ittekuretara shinu. erin drives home. she gets in bed. she pulls the covers over her head and reads the manga under the covers. she finishes the manga. erin looks at her phone. she messages marydreamstreet on instagram. the message says i know you like manga, have you read oshi ga budokan? it is so good. it's about a girl who dedicates her life to supporting her favorite idol. relatable lol. erin opens her other instagram. she has a message from xomarissa. the message says we may be out of school for the summer but you can't get away from me. erin goes to xomarissa's profile. she blocks xomarissa. erin takes out her phone. she opens the camera app and takes a picture of her cat. she takes another picture of her cat. she picks up her cat and takes a selfie with her cat. the cat jumps out of her arms. erin opens instagram. she uploads the selfie with her cat and writes a caption for the picture. the caption says top two dreamers lol #dreamstreet erin opens facebook. she opens facebook messenger. erin sends a private message to maryondreamstreet. the message says hey you ^.^ about to go to bed. i know this is silly but before i go to bed every night i like to find a picture of you smiling -- i want your smile to be the last thing i see before i sleep, the thing i dream about. and i just found the pic for tonight on idolchatter's message board, a pic of you as a trainee before dreamstreet. you looked so perfect even then. anyway, ttyl night night erin takes her trader joe's bibimbap bowl out of the microwave. she takes the bowl to the kitchen table. she sits at the table. erin's mom says don't forget to take your meds, says you're supposed to take them with food. erin takes her phone out. she opens twitter and posts a tweet. the tweet says hello dreamers #dreamstreet. erin’s mom says ok kiddo? erin stands up. she takes the bowl to her bedroom. she closes the door. erin opens her other twitter. she has a dm from xoxomarissa. the dm says bitch you shouldn't have blocked me on insta, when i see you you're dead. you should probably just kill yourself now. erin is at home. she's watching videos on youtube. she searches "dreamstreet soda pop" she watches the music video. she watches dream street soda pop dance practice. she watches dreamstreet soda pop mary fancam. she watches mary dreamstreet ask me anything. erin pushes the knife into the tip of her finger. erin thinks my blood is so dark, i wish it was bright red like the blood in the movies. erin pushes the tip of her finger into a heart shaped vial and squeezes her finger until the vial is full of blood. erin puts a bandage on her finger. she puts the vial in a box and tapes up the box. erin drives to the post office. she's in line at the post office. she's looking at her phone. she opens youtube and searches dreamstreet soda pop. she watches the music video for soda pop on mute. she scrolls down to the comment section and leaves a comment. the comment says it's so unfair soda pop isn't more popular, dreamers let's make it as big as heart beep. erin swipes up and exits youtube. she opens twitter and sends a direct message to marydreamstreet. the message says it's me again, i hope you're not sick of me lol. i love the new single so much. i’m putting a present in the mail for you today. erin looks up from her phone. she thinks if everyone knew how important my package was they would let me cut to the front of the line. erin stands in line. erin looks at her phone. she opens facebook. someone has posted on erin's dreamstreet facebook group. the post says vice just posted a documentary called the dark side of k-pop. the doc makes accusations of industry wide physical and mental abuse. dreamstreet mentioned at 6:26, 17:02, 21:12 and 44:04 ㅜㅜㅠㅠㅜㅜ erin doesn't open the video link. erin is crying. she opens twitter. she goes into her dms. she sends a direct message to marydreamstreet. the message says have you seen this video? i can't bring myself to watch it but i just need to know you're alright. erin sends another message. the message says i know you are famous and super busy but could you write back and tell me you're ok? erin is crying. she throws her phone across the room. erin is crying. erin opens her other facebook account. she has a message from marissa_moore. the message says hey i found your gay little facebook group. lame lol you're hopeless. erin is in bed. she gets out of bed and goes into the living room. she turns on the tv. the dark side of k-pop documentary is on the tv. erin starts crying. she turns the tv off. the tv comes back on. in the documentary dreamstreet are in their practice space. they are dancing. one after another the members of dreamstreet collapse until only mary is dancing. the choreographer speeds up the recording and mary is dancing faster and faster until she collapses. the choreographer kicks her but when she doesn't move he calls the dietician over and the dietician injects mary with a black fluid. mary gets up. she tries to dance. her whole body is shaking. erin screams. erin watches mary's body change, watches it mutate into something else. erin watches as mary's body bulges, the black fluid visible in her veins, her body exploding with boils and tumors until it comes apart, splattering against the wall. erin screams and closes her eyes. she opens her eyes. erin is in bed. erin starts crying. erin's mom gets out of bed and goes into erin's room. erin's mom says honey what's wrong. erin says it was just a bad dream, just leave me alone. erin is crying. erin's mom says it's ok it's just a dream. erin is crying. erin says get out of my room erin's mom is in the kitchen. she is on the phone. she says howard i know you don't give a shit about me but you haven't paid child support in six months and erin needs her meds and i can't afford them without the support. erin is in her bedroom. she closes her bedroom door. she puts in her earbuds. she listens to soda pop by dreamstreet. she turns the volume up. erin is watching videos on youtube. youtube recommends the video dreamstreet halloween busking in gangnam. erin scrolls down to the comment section and leaves a comment. the comment says i can't believe i'm just now seeing this! amazing! the girls are so pretty even as zombies lol erin opens facebook. she posts the video for heart beep. she captions the video with three heart emojis. she posts the video for soda pop. erin opens facebook messenger. she sends a private message to maryondreamstreet. the message says hi mary just finished dinner. i watched your mukbang video so it was like we were having dinner together =) mom was big angry going on and on about how she took the time to make dinner and i'm just looking at my phone. don't be mad but i put my phone away to shut her up. she's always coming between us =( erin opens her other facebook. she has a message from marissa_moore. the message says venmo me $$$ for taco bell, i'm hungry. erin gets another message from marissa_moore. the message says bitch i can see you're online answer me. erin gets another message from marissa_moore. the message says !!! erin sends marissa_moore a message. the message says sorry i didn’t see the message, in the bathroom. marissa_moore sends a message that says you're lying. erin sends a message that says really i'm in the bathroom. marissa_moore sends a message that says prove it bitch, send a video of you pissing. erin sends a message. the message says what, no. marissa_moore sends a message that says what? no? marissa_moore sends a message that says your dead. marissa_moore sends another message that says look send me a video of you pissing and i'll leave you alone. erin sends a message that says really? erin makes a playlist on spotify. she puts dreamstreet's heart beep on the playlist. she puts dreamstreet's soda pop on the playlist. she puts f(x)’s hot summer and hara's midnight queen on the playlist. erin thinks this playlist is just long enough for the drive to work. she feels bad about putting anything but dreamstreet on the playlist. she thinks mary won't mind. erin drives to h-mart. erin is in the food court of h-mart. she looks at her phone. she opens twitter and writes a tweet. the tweet says find me on fb and join my dreamstreet facebook group so much fun. #fighting ^.^ erin closes twitter and opens youtube. she opens her favorites playlist and watches dreamstreet busking mapo bridge heart beep 28/03/19. she thinks i wish i could've been there. she goes into her twitter dms and sends a direct message to marydreamstreet. the message says hey you <3 just wanted to say i watched the mapo bridge video again and it's amazing. i know you're only like 4 years older than me but i wanna be like you when i grow up lol. erin looks up from her phone. she sees her manager at the counter of oh k dog. her manager is frowning. her manager is pointing at the clock on the wall. erin writes anyway my break is over and my manager is yelling at me to get back to work. erin is asleep. her phone beeps. her phone beeps again. erin is awake. erin rolls over. she looks at her phone. there are 13 new posts on erin's dreamstreet fan page. the posts say mary was the brightest star and had the sweetest soul. She was an angel. I hope wherever she is now she feels happy and peaceful. I miss her already. I love you mary. we love you mary <3 you are forever in our hearts as well as youre beautiful music which will live on. mary may you be in heaven. erin thinks this can't be real. erin thinks i'm still asleep and this is just a bad dream. erin opens google. she goes to idolchatter.com. the top story on idolchatter is mary 1999-2019. the story says singer and dancer sung mi-rae known professionally as mary was found dead friday morning, a victim of suicide. a note was found in her dorm room accusing her production company of exploitation and abuse. mi-rae hanged herself in a park outside the offices of her production company. she was 20. mi-rae started as a trainee for BeH productions in 2014 at age 15. at 17 she was cast on survival show finding dreamstreet where she was the last contestant eliminated. a fan favorite, she was added as a permanent member of the group in time for the group's second single. she was prominently featured on their hit single heart beep and its recent follow-up soda pop. last month, mi-rae made several posts on social media expressing her excitement for dreamstreet's recent comeback but she was taken off the road with her production company citing exhaustion. footage of mi-rae's suicide is circulating online but efforts are being made to have it removed since she she was naked when she hung herself. mi-rae is survived by her parents and her many fans. she will be missed. erin is holding her cat. erin is crying. she thinks i can't believe mary is gone. erin listens to heart beep. she turns up the volume on her speaker. erin listens to heart beep again. erin is crying. erin's mom knocks on erin's bedroom door. erin says go away. erin's mom says i know you're upset but i need you to turn the music down. erin screams. erin throws her bluetooth speaker across the room. the house is quiet. erin’s mom says i'm going to bed, wake me up if you need me. erin's mom says love you. erin doesn't say anything. erin gets in bed and pulls the covers over her head. erin puts in her earbuds. she listens to heart beep. erin is crying. erin is asleep. erin opens the camera app on her phone. she switches from photo to video. she presses the record button. she says hello dreamers. erin is crying. erin says i made some cup noodle and thought i'd do a mukbang. she eats a forkful of noodles. erin says i don't know what to say. erin wipes her nose. she eats a forkful of noodles. erin says i can't believe she's gone. erin is crying. erin pushes the cup noodle away. erin says i thought i could do this but i can't. erin says bye. erin opens her other twitter. she has a dm from xoxomarissa. the dm says hey you never sent that $$$, send it now. erin sends a dm to xoxomarissa. the dm says leave me alone marissa, please. erin has another dm from xoxomarissa. the dm says what, look you're going to send me some money or i'm going to post that toilet video on your little facebook group. erin has another dm from xoxomarissa. the dm says yr choice. erin's mom is listening to the smiths. morrissey sings the line on the day that your mentality catches up with your biology and erin's mom sings along. the music is low and she hears erin pull into the driveway. erin's mom turns off the smiths. erin's mom finds heart beep by dreamstreet on spotify and presses play. erin goes inside. erin's mom is doing the choreography for heart beep. erin doesn't say anything. erin says you're doing it all wrong, says why would you do this. erin doesn’t say anything. erin says i’m going to my room. erin is pacing, walking in a circle around her bed. she thinks mary wouldn't kill herself. whoever silenced mary, murdered her, are gonna come after mary's fans next. erin looks up at the poster above her bed. it's the promotional poster for dreamstreet's heartbeep single. there is a drawing of a boombox on the poster, the word DREAMSTREET printed above the boombox in bubble letters. the boombox is pink with huge speakers but inside the speakers there are cartoon hearts instead of tweeters. erin thinks the speakers look like a floating pair of eyes. erin thinks it's like the boombox has eyes and the eyes are following me around the room, watching me wherever i am in the room. erin looks down at the floor. she walks in a circle around her bed. erin thinks whoever killed mary is gonna kill me next. erin sends a message to mary on instagram. the message says i know you're still here, i know you are reading my messages like you always did. the production companies and the chaebols that control them are out to get me too, someone keeps calling my phone and hanging up and i knows it's them. erin looks at her phone. she opens spankbang.com. she opens her favorites folder. she clicks on the thumbnail for inyouchuu shoku. in the video two girls are in a nest of tentacles. the tentacles fuck the girls until it breaks their minds. the girls then fuck each other, grinding their bodies together while the tentacles fuck all their holes. erin touches herself. erin goes to motherless.com. she searches mary dreamstreet public suicide NUDE. she clicks on a thumbnail for the video. in the video, mary is naked walking through a city park. there is no audio but the person filming mary must have said something to her because mary stops and looks over her shoulder at the camera. erin pauses the video as mary looks over her shoulder and erin feels like mary can see her. erin cums. she keeps fingering herself and cums again. erin unpauses the video. she stops the video when mary puts the noose around her neck. erin is in her bedroom. she looks at her phone. there is a message from erin's mom. the message says working late but dinner is in the fridge, don’t forget to take your meds hun. erin thinks they're all against me and mary, my mom and dr markle and BeH productions and the chaebols. she opens instagram. she sends a private message to mary. the message says i know you're still here. i know you're reading my messages i know youre still here i know youre still here i know youre still here erin is at h-mart. she is in the restroom. she is cleaning the toilet in the restroom. someone enters the restroom. erin says sorry the restroom is closed for cleaning but you can use the one in the back. marissa looks down at erin. marissa says i can't believe it. erin looks up at marissa. erin says i don't want any trouble. marissa says it's too late for that. marissa says take off my belt. erin says marissa, no. marissa slaps erin. marissa says take off my belt then i want you to unbutton my pants and pull them down. erin is crying. erin takes marissa's belt off and pulls her pants down. marissa steps out of her pants. marissa says now put your head over the toilet. erin says i'm going to scream. marissa slaps erin. she slaps erin again. marissa says put your head over the toilet and open your mouth. marissa laughs. marissa says i wouldn't want to make a mess in your squeaky clean restroom. erin puts her head over the toilet. marissa squats over erin and grabs her by the hair and pisses in her mouth. erin is gagging. marissa says swallow it. marissa says swallow it bitch. erin drinks marissa's piss. marissa squirts the last drop of piss into erin's mouth. marissa says now lick it, lick it clean. marissa says you fucking like that don't you, you lesbo bitch. marissa's body is shaking. she moans. she pushes erin off of her and pulls on her pants. marissa leaves the restroom. erin throws a roll of toilet paper at the restroom door. erin is crying. erin is in her bedroom. she takes a pair of kitchen shears from her night stand. she straightens out her ring finger. she bends the finger back and breaks it. erin is dizzy. she works the broken finger between the blades of the kitchen shears but the shears can't cut through. she puts her pinky finger and ring finger in her mouth and bites them off. blood fills her mouth and connective tissue snaps between her teeth and there is blood all over. erin vomits up the blood. she passes out. erin wakes up. she takes the fingers out of her mouth. she thinks i really only need one. she puts the pinky finger back in her mouth and sucks the torn flesh off the bone and swallows. erin laughs. she puts the ring finger in a jewelry box and puts the box in a mailer. erin drives to the post office. she's in line at the post office. she looks at her phone. she opens youtube and searches dreamstreet soda pop. she tries to watches the music video but the screen goes black and smoke comes out of the phone. erin cuts to the front of the line. she puts the bloody mailer on the counter. erin passes out. erin is in her bedroom. she thinks it's too hot outside to do this outside. erin throws the noose over the ceiling beam. she stands in a chair. she puts the noose around her neck. erin turns to face the dreamstreet heart beep poster. she thinks i want the heart beep poster to be the last thing i see. erin's phone beeps. her phone beeps again. her phone beeps again and again. erin takes out her phone. she looks at her notifications. she has unread messages on facebook messenger and on instagram. she has a new dm on twitter. the twitter dm is from mary. the facebook and instagram messages are from mary. erin opens twitter. she opens the dm from mary. she can't make sense of it. erin says to herself i don't think this is korean. the message is in a language erin has never seen, something alien. erin stares at the message but something about the message, the combination of symbols makes her feel dizzy. she steps down from the chair. she thinks what does this mean, thinks how do i reply to this. she thinks it doesn't matter, it's a message from mary. erin replies to the message erin says you saved my life. i knew you would never leave us would never leave me. mary replies with three heart emojis then with another message like her first message, more symbols. erin checks her messages on facebook and on instagram. they're all from mary and all written in the same alien language. erin looks at her phone. she opens facebook messenger. she has four messages from maryondreamstreet. the message are the same as the others. erin replies to the messages. erin says hi mary, so happy to start my day with messages from you. i hope you won't be mad but i showed your messages to the guy who works at kinokuniya, he like knows everything. he said the messages were like inockian -- i hope i'm spelling that right -- and i asked him what inockian was and he says it's the language of angels and i said that makes perfect sense lol but he said it's like inockian but not inockian, that the messages are something unholy but obviously i don't believe that for a minute -- you're the only good thing in the world. anyway, sorry for yapping. would love more messages from you even if i can't read them. late for work so i gotta go. ttyl erin looks at her phone. she opens twitter and writes a tweet. the tweet says still fighting #dreamstreet. she has a dm from mary. the message is the same as the others. erin replies to the message. erin says every time i hear from you i'm so happy i want to cry. there's so much i want to say but i'm not brave enough to say it. i don't care if you write to me in english or korean or inockian, i'm just glad you're here. erin looks at her phone. she opens instagram. she has another private message from mary. the message is the same as the others. erin thinks i can't actually read this language but why do i feel like if i look at the letters long enough i will understand. erin thinks i'm starting to understand. erin replies with three heart emojis. erin is standing at the counter of oh-k dog. a customer comes to the counter. erin says welcome to oh-k dog can i take your order. the customer says yeah let me get two mozza dogs and a coke. erin looks over the customer's shoulder and sees the video for soda pop projected on the wall of the food court. in the video, mary is dancing in front of a billboard for dreamstreet cola. the video stutters. in the video, mary is in front of the billboard but she's stopped dancing. the video stutters. in the video, mary is walking toward the camera in slow motion, walking toward the camera until only her face is in the frame. the video stutters. in the video, mary is speaking but there is no sound and the subtitles are glitching. the subtitles say erin are you there? i am in the black house, find me there behind the crooked cross. the video shutters and goes off. erin stumbles away from the counter. erin's manager says erin what are you doing. erin falls down and crawls through the food court and vomits up something slimy and black. the manager turns to the customer. the manager says sorry she's not feeling well. erin crawls out of h-mart. erin opens the camera app on her phone. she switches from photo to video. she presses the record button. she says this is my last mukbang but don't be sad dreamers, i'm going to be with mary. since i know she wouldn't want to live without me and since no one will be her to take care of her i had to kill neko chan. erin reaches under the table and picks up her dead cat and puts her dead cat on the table, its white fur red with blood. erin picks up the knife on the table and pushes the blade into the cat's body. erin puts down the knife and picks up the cat pushing her fingers into the cat's body. erin pulls the cat apart. she tears the cat into bloody chunks of meat then eats the meat. erin says it's ok she'll always be with me now. dreamstreet's heart beep is playing in another room in the house. the music is low and erin can hear her mother pulling into the driveway. erin says that's all for now dreamers, please like and share this video bye bye. she puts down the phone. erin can hear the key in the lock. erin's mom opens the door. she sees erin. erin's mom says oh my god are you ok. erin's mom looks at the table and sees the knife. she sees the dead cat. she says erin what did you do. erin is laughing. erin's mom says you need help and i'm going to get you the help you need. erin's mom is fumbling through her purse looking for her phone. erin picks up the knife. erin's mom looks up from her purse just before the knife goes into her throat. erin's mom tries to speak but her mouth is full of blood and the only sound that comes out of her mouth is a raspy gurgle. erin's mom braces herself against the wall but falls into the floor. erin holds her mom. erin is laughing. erin goes to her bedroom. she sits at her vanity. she wipes the blood off her face and puts on the make-up she bought at the h-mart cosmetics counter. she walks into her closet. she thinks what should i wear. she thinks about the video of mary hanging herself. she thinks i should do this just like mary. erin takes off her clothes and walks out to her car. she gets in the car. she listens to dreamstreet as she drives and she sings along laughing because underneath the music she hears a voice speaking to her, mary's voice. erin thinks i finally understand. erin pulls up to h-mart. she goes inside. her coworkers see her. the customers see her. she can see their mouths moving but can’t hear what they’re saying. they back away from her. erin looks up at the wall of the h-mart food court. the music video for dreamstreet's heart beep is being projected on the wall of the food court and the music is up loud. in the video mary is singing and dancing but she is bleeding from the eyes and there are ligature marks on her neck. erin's manager runs up to erin. erin can see her manager's mouth moving but can't hear her. erin pushes the knife into her manager's belly and slashes the knife up toward her ribcage and entrails burst from the wound, pink and ropey and stinking of shit. erin can see everyone in the food court screaming but she can't hear the screaming. she walks past them as they scramble away from her. she goes through the double doors and into the back. erin thinks what’s happening, thinks where am i. she thinks this isn’t the back of h-mart. erin should be in the back rooms of h-mart but she is in a long black corridor. it stretches out in front of her in an impossible way, longer than the length of the store. the corridor goes on and on, so far that erin can't see the end of it. erin starts walking. she can hear the screaming now and can hear sirens in the distance, can hear them getting closer. erin walks and sings to herself. her voice echoes down the corridor and she can hear mary singing in harmony with the echo and erin is so happy she cries. erin walks until she comes to a door at the end of the black corridor. the door has a crooked cross carved into it and erin runs her bloody fingers along the cross. erin pushes open the door. erin sees herself outside herself. she is inside the room. mary is inside the room. she sees mary's head laying at an obscene angle and black blood pouring from her mouth and eyes and erin wants to cry but mary wipes the blood away and smiles. erin smiles. erin can hear voices outside the room. the voices outside say if you come out now no one will get hurt. the voices are loud and it sounds like someone is trying to kick the door in but erin looks down and sees that she's holding the boombox from the heart beep single. she presses the play button on the boombox and heart beep plays. mary starts dancing and mary's bones are pushing through her skin but she does all the choreography and the room is glowing and criss-crossed with rainbows just like in the music video and erin squeals. the song ends and erin applauds mary. mary limps toward erin. mary takes erin by the hand and kisses her, the rotten blood passing mouth to mouth and the room goes dark. enoch ward is in the black house.